Win-win-win situation

*Disclaimer: Stories put here are all personal accounts that the participants are willing to share.

I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world when I met Tom as I felt so loved by him. I was 27 years old at that time and we had such wonderful times, like going for holidays together. I was so sure that he wanted to marry me, but things changed after I confirmed my pregnancy at twelve weeks.

At the doctor’s office, I could see my baby’s image on the ultrasound machine and I was overjoyed that I was going to be a mother. Tom was silent throughout and after we left the doctor’s clinic. I asked him what he was thinking but he just kept silent.

My heart sank as I knew that he did not want this child. I tried to tell myself that perhaps the news was too sudden for him, and I should give him more time so that he could sort things out. I gave him time to cool off, and his silence continued for one week.

I tried to persuade Tom to get married and keep our baby. He said he was not ready to be a father yet. I grew desperate and fearful as my tummy was growing bigger and more obvious. I lost my senses and issued threats to Tom, ranging from suicide to leaving him, which just made things worse between us. Finally, we ended up in the Pregnancy Crisis Service office to meet a counsellor. Tom wanted the counsellor to convince me that we should not get married just because of the pregnancy, and that we could always have children later. I wanted the counsellor to help me as I was totally against abortion, and I could not see myself causing shame to my family as well as seeing my child grow up without a father.

The counsellor gave us the time for both of us to speak together as well as separately with her. She understood our thoughts, feelings and plans. She helped us see that there was a mismatch in the plans even though we have the same ultimate goal. She challenged us to think on a different perspective to arrive at a win-win situation. To cut the story short, soon after the counselling session Tom proposed to me and I accepted with a joyful heart – I knew that he wanted to not because he had to. It was not only a win-win situation for us, but a rather win-win-win situation – for us and our baby.

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